Some days are just harder than others. It doesn’t seem to
matter if you ace your college midterm, you meet new people, or you genuinely
feel like you think you may know where you are going with your life…some days
are hard. It is plain and simple.
The puzzling thing I cannot begin to piece together is that
fact that I had it all figured out. I
knew what I wanted, where I wanted to end up, and how determined I was going to
have to be. Somehow I lost a piece in my puzzle. Then I lost another piece, and
pretty soon the whole dang right corner is missing. What do you do when the
plans you were so confident in just change?
When the walls of your castle start to shake and
crumble…what’s a girl to do? What happens when you need someone? I don’t mean a
friend who says they are there, but you cannot really get ahold of. I mean
someone to hold you when you are falling apart inside, someone to wipe the
tears from your eyes, someone to say out loud how much you mean, someone who
knows you are hurting and won’t just tell you that it hurts them too. A girl
needs someone more.
I guess that is hard to find. Even when you feel like you
could have something with someone, it is not the right time, or they are not
available, or you are not ready. The missing aspect of companionship adds to
the confusion of life. It is never that you feel completely alone. It just
sucks when you know how good someone could be for you, but it is not working
out, and everyday it seems to get further away from working out. You can only
pump yourself up with Pinterest quotes for so long. So how long can I sit and
self loathe? I mean, “Without pain, how could we know joy?” (John Green, TFIOS)
The joy that is realized through the pain, that is what life
is all about. Whether your joy comes from a daily experience, a Pinterest
quote, a friend, a Godly experience, a family member, or a John Green book…it
is out there. Joy will not just come out and smack you in the face though. You
have to want it, to find it, and to remember that it is always lurking beneath
the dark clouds. When there is pain…try finding the joy. Maybe that is
hypocritical to preach about finding joy because I always seem to focus on the
stormy clouds threatening my castle walls, but why not start trying?
